Ok, Now I Feel Pregnant

Until this week, I could definitely have mistaken being pregnant for a lot of other conditions-- being stressed perhaps, hot weather, busy at work, not working out much, etc leads to me being a bit more tired (esp in the afternoon) and feeling a bit bloated, flabby and out of shape. I could 100% see how if you had an irregular period so it didn't seem unusual you didn't have it, or you thought your birth control was being affective, you could not know you were pregnant for awhile. Everything I felt (aside from nip pain... though maybe I could've said that my hormones were just crazy that month for some unknown reason) I could've written off as something else.

And now it's Week 9 and it is unmistakeable to me. I am exhaustingly exhausted. I understand now when Dr. Uri said I'd feel I'd been hit by a bus. I felt tired before. This week, wow, I was just exhausted. I wake up tired and achy-uncomfortable, I feel tired and sluggish all day but just awake enough most of the time to feel irritated that I probably couldn't nap, then in the afternoon when I do lie down, I accidentally napped for two hours, wake up still tired, make til evening, barely have energy to make dinner, then sit exhausted on the couch, a little too tired to do anything but stare mindlessly at the tv and just wish it was later so I could go to bed. It's been a little bit of a tough week in that regard.

And the moodiness... yeh that's gotten worse. I hadn't noticed that until this week either. Now I just suddenly feel irritated by things that didn't irritate me much before and I'm snippy and a little short with Matt sometimes. Or I just suddenly feel sad (like I want to cry about something but there's nothing really to cry about).

Baby is officially now a fetus (no longer an embryo) and is now nearly an inch long, about the size of a grape or strawberry, weighing just a fraction of an ounce. The essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female until 18-22 weeks. Eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. Baby has tiny earlobes, and the mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that baby's basic physiology is in place, s/he's poised for rapid weight gain.

I do seem to feel hungry more often. Luckily I seem to be blessed so far in that I haven't had any "morning sickness" at all. Not much food aversion either, although nothing ever sounds good to eat. Not only is the whole "eating for two" a wives' tale since baby doesn't yet require me to eat for two, but also eating feels more like a chore than a pleasure. I feel myself getting hungry and just think "oh no, now what am I going to eat." Nothing ever really sounds good. Almost every food suggestion just sounds gross and not appealing. Matt might as well be suggesting liver pate on a slab of bologna covered in mayo gravy; sometimes that's how appealing normal food sounds. I've decided that pregnancy "cravings" aren't really cravings in the traditional sense; it's just the only thing that sounds decent to eat. In my case, it's burritos (which I haven't even indulged), like the Parrilla Grill burritos in the huge tortilla with that moist rice and black beans and just a little salsa and some chicken, and sour cream. Yum. I've substituted at home making avocado and cheese quesadillas on corn tortillas, which are only mildly good. And fruit usually sounds okay.

Matt is being a dutiful and supportive Dad-to-be, though at times, maybe a bit too concerned. We had lunch out the other day and he repeatedly encouraged me to order the NW salmon, which I did, and it came with brussel sprouts. He remembered that I'm supposed to avoid sprouts but had to look it up himself whether that meant that brussel sprouts were okay to eat. At this point, I'm pretty aware of what I need to avoid. Which, for those not in the know, includes the following:
* unpasteurized soft cheeses, including blue cheese and feta
* unpasteurized milk or juice (fresh-squeezed)
* cold deli meats (unless heated to steaming), hot dogs, things that contain nitrates
* sprouts... and a general caution of anything that may have salmonella (uncleared areas after preparing meat) or unwashed vegetables
* raw meats, and fish with high mercury including tuna
* undercooked eggs or raw eggs (so no cookie batter, homemade eggnog, homemade caeser dressing, etc)
* deli salads, and picnic foods that have been sitting out without ice/cooling
* refined breads and sugars, caffeine, alcohol

And then there is a short list of medications I can take if I need relief of any kind: mainly Tylenol, and thankfully Tums. Because, yes, I have had heartburn, and, most uncomfortably, gas. That's probably the worst part. Pregnancy so far is really a very glamorous time ;) I know it will only get more so. And, lucky you, I'm not too embarrassed to discuss it. I'm tired of hearing women say "nobody told me ___ about being pregnant or giving birth." Well, I'm going to figure it out and tell ya.

The plus side is I get out of more housework. And... I'm looking forward to just next month being in the second trimester when I should get a lot more energy back, and maybe even start showing and feeling the baby move, though it sounds like that might not be til later October. Oh, and... although it's a strictly "look but don't touch" time (I really wasn't expecting the soreness!), it's kinda nice to be (how to say... knowing that my dad and brother read my blog) "filling out" more in my top. That's a positive change, mostly.

I don't know if I'd ever say I went through a "baby crazy" phase, except for a couple months when we'd just started trying (I was reading a lot about pregnancy and watching birthing videos and how-to videos on things like swaddling babies). If I'm not close to the mother, I'm not even really interested in holding others' babies. But if I love the mom, like Jenn and Mandy's babies, um yeh I never want to give those kids back once they're in my hot lil arms :) But I've just never really been super into babies and baby clothes (yeh they're cute)... Now that I'm pregnant, whenever I see a baby or picture of a baby, I'm overcome with this strong desire to hold my baby, like I cannot WAIT to hold my baby when it's born.

I'm taken back to this moment when I held Jenn's son Chase (at 2 months old) at Mandy's wedding and he snuggled in; I was in love; I would've stopped time in that moment forever and been the happiest; it was a beautiful feeling and he wasn't even my baby. It's also the case that Chase also holds a special place in my heart because I heard his first scream at the hospital when he was born (he's the one who showed up a month early during Mandy's bachelorette trip). Hearing his first sounds... it didn't CHANGE my life, because I'd always thought I wanted kids someday but... it made me realize how much I wanted to eventually have my own children, and experience all it has to offer. And it changed the course of the relationship I was currently in, leading me to leave it and seek out for a better future father for my future children. Which I found in Matt :) Because, really, I suddenly felt this obligation as a future mother to provide my future children with a loving and supportive and wonderful father. When I chose Matt, I didn't only choose him for the kind and loving and passionate and wonderful partner he was to me; I chose him for the future father that I can see in him, and that he wanted for himself.

The part so far that's the most beautiful about this pregnancy is getting to share this new adventure with Matt. He is the most patient and thoughtful partner. He educates himself and tries to keep me healthy and on track and hydrated and well fed. He's always making sure I'm comfortable enough and trying to anticipate my needs. It's often more than I need, being I've gotten used to being pretty independent, but it's so nice. Especially when I feel so tired and some days I just want to whine about it or whine about how I want ice cream sandwiches or how my hips get achy at night now that I'm practicing trying not to sleep on my back (anticipating next month). I feel so lucky to have a man who's interested in this pregnancy. Poor guy, though-- he's having sympathy symptoms. He reminds me that he's been a little nauseous for weeks, and also tired, taking on some of the pregnancy symptoms for me. He's so sweet and sensitive.

Last weekend, Matt ran his 5th Cascade Lakes Relay and received a special red t-shirt for running every year of the race; it had five images, one for each year, of an ape slowly turning into a man; I wanted to write above the years: 2008 Bravely Joined, 2009 Getting Through, 2010 New Love, 2011 Newlywed, 2012 Knocked Up. I'm proud of him. He actually did really well and felt better than last year, surprisingly because last year we trained a lot beforehand and this year, about a week out, he thought he had another month to train. Originally he was hoping I could drive his van so at least I could be part of the experience, but the team decided that it would be too crowded so I stayed home, which was actually fine with me; I wasn't looking forward to sitting in the driver's seat for that long, and in the middle of the night. He seemed to have a great time though and enjoyed the teammates in his van (unlike last year). Too bad they came in 50-something-ish... probably cause I didn't run ;)

This weekend, I'm going to muster up the energy to go camping again. I feel the urge to just lie around and try to work on some house projects, but I know that I'll be happy we took advantage of the summer this year and actually went camping and used our new tent and canoe. We pitched our tent a few nights ago so here's hoping it's still standing.