We've always wanted to have two kids. Being the oldest of two, I thought it was great. I can't imagine my life without a brother to share so many wonderful memories and eye rolling at our "crazy" parents and kicking each other and fighting for attention with. How boring it would seem! And we also, once I convinced Matt, wanted them close in age, around 2yrs because I'd heard that can lead to them being good buddies. Alternately though I've heard it's challenging to have them so close too.
Anyhow eventually, after bringing it up almost daily, Matt thought it sounded like a good idea too ;) Now I'd heard that getting pregnant the second time would go much more quickly, but I also knew a few people who couldn't conceive again or it took them longer so who knows how it would go. I downloaded an app called Glow that was helpful for keeping track of my cycle. I decided to at least track when I ovulated (through taking my waking temperature- which only indicates after I've ovulated) and taking ovulation tests. I at least wanted to see if my cycle was back to normal. I only tracked my cycle the first month or so when TTC (trying to conceive) Carsen because I found it stressful wondering "DID I ovulate already? Or do I not ovulate every month and is that normal? Or do I have a really short ovulation?" Stressful. But this time I decided to embrace it as knowledge is power.
Our first month of actually not preventing/"trying," I was very overwhelmed and overworked by an upcoming conference. But it was the earliest we thought we'd want another baby to show up. I ovulated very late and for whatever reason just felt like it wouldn't be that month. It wasn't. I wasn't surprised but I was surprised that I was a bit disappointed and sad, not at all as bad as I was when trying for Carsen though. My main goal, aside from getting pregnant, was to not stress about it.
In mid-March, it was time to try again, I ovulated on schedule or even earlier, then we went on a nice trip to AZ where I decided to drink only lightly just in case (cause one of my friends who is also TTC said she read that alcohol can decreases chances of ovulation and implantation) but still enjoy myself just incl case it didn't happen. We came home, a week passed and the day (or 2) before I expected my period I took a test. It was negative.
I'd gotten so used to seeing negative tests so I guess I expected it. Still I felt bummed. A little Sagitarius early December baby sounded sweet. Well there's always next month... But then... there WAS a very very faint 2nd line, which technically still means negative but maybe I just tested too early. I kept taking my waking temperature (it jumps a whole degree right after I ovulate and falls a whole degree right before my period) but my temp stayed high.
Two days later, March 28th, I was expecting my period or was a day late. But my temp was high in the morning so I knew I wasn't going to get my period that day... In the evening I decided to take a test "just for fun." The other had been negative two days ago but what the heck, it'd probably say no too. The three minutes of waiting are strange; I don't know what to think. So many times I've thought "surely I'm pregnant" in the 11mos of trying for Carsen then discovered, no my life is not about to change forever and now I have a whole month of waiting and tracking and trying and waiting and wondering again. Three minutes passed during which I hoped but prepared to see a NO.
Instead I saw... YES +
What?!?!
With Carsen, I tried to tell Matt in a cute way by taking a photo of the + pregnancy test and putting it in a frame painted with MARCH 2013 (the due month, even though C was actually then born in February). Matt did not get it. I'd thought, "next time I want to get a tshirt for C that says 'Big brother' and have Matt see him wearing it to find out." I ordered the tshirt a month ago but it still hadn't arrived.
Plus this time, I was so surprised myself, I just walked out of the bathroom and said "well I don't want to confuse you like last time by how I tell you so here it is: I'm pregnant!" We couldn't even think of a clever way to tell our parents... Just blurted it out.
A primary care physician confirmed it a few days later but we won't be seen by the OB's nurse until 8 wks. Our due date is December 9th, though if s/he is 2wks early like C, it'll be Thanksgiving. They will be 21 months apart in age.
Of course Carsen still seems SO SMALL to me. So young. I worry that I'm short changing my time with just him; I feel guilty to be bringing in someone who would take away any of his attention; I feel guilty that I even wanted another, in a way. It's actually BECAUSE of how much I love him that I want him to have a companion. BECAUSE of how much I love him that I want someone for him to love too. It's exiting and terrifying and I'm glad it doesn't happen overnight :)
So there it is- the last Baby Heb will join us before Christmas! What a gift!!
