In the last week, he started making some changes. First of all, he seems to want to be held all the time. Whenever I put him down, it's only about two minutes before he starts crying to be picked up. His pediatrician says that you can't spoil a newborn and then it won't be until he's three months old or so he'll start to understand cause and effect. So right now he apparently doesn't understand that when he cries, it'll elicit a response from me. So I should feel free to pick him up and hold him whenever I want. Everyone tells me, hold him as much as I can, because the time will pass quickly when he wants to be held. But it makes it tough to get anything at all done. Not that I'm trying to keep my house clean, I mean more so things like making myself something to eat.
But he's also started to sleep more at night. This week he had two nights of stretches of four hours at a time on either side of the feeding. One night, he slept for five hours, ate, and slept for five more hours, although the last few hours were in my arms. His pediatrician said it was okay now to just let him wake me up to eat at night, so that's been interesting to see what he does. He tosses a lot at night though and that wakes me up a lot, so we may have to think about moving him into his crib in his own room soon. He sleeps in a bassinet right next to my side of the bed. I thought I would want him to sleep in his own room, but I'm finding myself hesitant to make that change. I like being able to hear him and look right next to me and see him sleeping. It's weird because I didn't think I would feel that way. I understand now why some parents like to cosleep.
We go back to the pediatrician this week for another weight check. She didn't want him to go all the way to six week appointment given how much struggle we've had with his weight gain. We'll see then how are breast-feeding is going. I just decided to assume that everything is fine, and that will make much less stress for me. I'm kind of irritated at the lactation consultants who keep suggesting I have low milk supply. When I read about it, it's actually a small percentage of moms who can't make enough milk for their babies. Oh, well actually, they suggested that Carsen is just an inefficient nurser. But he seems satisfied after he eats and generally seems fine to me, a bit of a sleeper...
The lactation nurses also keep suggesting that I might have postpartum depression. I find that really annoying. Having a newborn is stressful. Especially when breast-feeding doesn't come so easily. I'm always left second-guessing myself about whether or not he has enough to eat. Plus instead of working or having any life of my own, I'm now in this new life of just sitting around my house alone breast-feeding all day. Or what feels like all day some day. It's lonely and boring sometimes. I watch some daytime TV but it's really not interesting, because I've never been a big TV watcher anyhow. So I end up reading more about breast-feeding babies and that makes me have even more questions. Need to find a good novel or something to read. It's just hard to suddenly feel like my identity is changing, what I do in a day now revolves around someone else's totally unpredictable schedule. But yet, I'm dreading going back to work. It just doesn't sound interesting at all. I'm not sure what does. But I think that most new moms feel that way.
Last week after our last mommy and me, I was worried about it so I started pumping a lot more for one day to increase my supply, and we tried to supplement Carsen with a bottle of breastmilk. Sometimes he would drink it, but sometimes he would just suck on the nipple. And I pumped plenty. I read that average is about half a feeding, or about 1.5 oz. Also babies express more milk than a pump so it's not an accurate gauge of how much milk I have. Sometimes though, even after nursing, Carsen shows hunger signs- head butting, chewing fists, smacking lips. But I sometimes think he just wants to comfort nurse, ie he uses it to fall asleep for a nap. Or... Is he legitimately still hungry because he falls asleep as coping because the flow is slow or there's not enough milk or Carsen isn't nursing effectively? It's hard to distinguish.
I wonder when it is that all start to learn what his cries and all his motions mean. It seems like maybe I would by now but I still find him a little bit of a mystery. And this mother's intuition I'm supposed to have, when does that kick in? My wonderful mom friends have advised me just to go with my gut, what I think is right for my baby, because ultimately I should be the one to know. But it's so hard when I second-guess myself. Matt and I are working on what we think our game plan should be- Breast-feed him until I hear more definitively that that's not working for him to gain weight, and then we'll supplement him if he still seems very hungry after he breast feeds. And I'll try to pump, but it's pretty tough during the day when Carsen wants my attention. I might try to introduce a formula or mix the formula with breastmilk because if I only pump half of feeding, and we're sometimes supplementing him, I'll never have enough milk to actually leave him with someone so that I can go back to work or we can go on a date night.
We went on our first date night last week. Thanks to my parents for watching Carsen! It was great. We went to dinner and then to get ice cream. It felt like being a teenager again without any responsibilities, if only for two hours. It already seems like so long ago that we were just two. I think it was really helpful. Matt and I were feeling a bit disconnected from all the stress of having a newborn. It was nice to be able to have a quiet adult dinner.
So what is Carsen like, you might wonder. At first he was a very quiet and sweet baby. This week he is starting to find his voice a little bit so that's interesting. He's coming up with new cries and sounds he makes. He's generally a pretty sound sleeper, like his mommy, and when he wakes up, he's immediately starving, also like his mommy. It seems to take him a little while to wake up, still like his mommy, and he seems a bit groggy for a few minutes at least. He chews on his fists a lot, he hasn't learned how to suck his fingers and he seems to like the pacifier okay. He likes to suck a lot! He loves to be held! Some days he cries every time I put him down. He loves to be close. He'll fuss in his bassinet but when I pick him up and hold him, he'll snuggle in and go right to sleep and sleep for quite a long time. He's starting to look for Matt and me when he hears our voices and we're not right in front of him. He's starting to be able to see things further away from him and study faces a bit more. He loves baths. He has his fussiness, but I wouldn't say he has a fussy time during the day, and generally he only really cries when he wants to eat or be picked up. Still has lots of hair and Matt says he has some cowlicks. He looks a lot like Matt looked as a baby. He has very long fingers. I think he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Someone told me that I would just want to sit and stare at him all day, and I thought there was no way, but I do!
 |
| Grandpa Jon babysitting |
 |
| Ellie is bigger in size AND weight |
 |
| Yep, that night he had |
