His nighttime sleep still varies quite a lot. Last night he slept nice six-hour stretch, which is his longest so far. He does that maybe once a week. Lately it's been mainly four hour stretches, waking up around two or 3 AM to nurse. His pediatrician said, if we wanted to let him cry it out during the day to try to get him on a more regular schedule, we could, but at night if he wakes up, he needs nutrition. In comparison to some babies I've heard about, he's pretty good. But he's just sort of restless all evening long and if we can get him to sleep around 8 PM, he only sleeps for about half an hour then is awake until 10 or 11 PM. Wed evening, by 9:30 we'd been trying to get him to sleep for 1.5 hrs. Already nursed twice til he dozed off and given him a little bottle. But every time I put him in his bassinet, he woke up. It makes for a long evening.
We're trying to break him of the carseat because he's learned how to flip over while in it; doubt he'll do that when he's right next to my bed without me intervening first but...
Mommy hood is tough in ways I guess I could've expected but wouldn't have understood. I feel like my whole identity has been stripped away and I have just this small sliver and am trying to rebuild my life to what I want it to be, if that makes sense. I just feel different at a really base level as a person. Guess I'm just struggling a little there to figure out how to reintroduce things I loved, like alone time with Matt, or running, or alone time period.
I started back at work just 15hrs/wk two weeks ago. My original goal was to use my 12wks of saved vacay & sick pay to slowly go back to full time instead of taking 12 full weeks off. My office is really flexible and let's me call the shots, which almost makes it harder because I'm not very motivated, it's the slow period in my job right now anyhow, and I don't have childcare so I'm just trying to find hours in the day to tap in... but since Carsen doesn't reliably nap and only naps for an hour or less at a time, it's tough. I'm trying to figure out how to use my mom more to help.
Things are definitely easier than two months ago! But I hear that three months is a real turning point so I'm very much looking forward to that.
I joined a mommy Meetup group to try to meet other moms in town with young children. So far I've made maybe one or two new friends. One gal I met yesterday has a daughter who is only two days older than Carsen so it's nice to be able to compare and commiserate (and she heard that the hospital hadn't been as busy as when we delivered in as long as the nurses could remember; they had to use other parts of the hospital for labor/delivery cause they ran out of rooms. So what was going on in June 2012 to lead to so many Feb babies ;) And also my full moon equals lots of births theory holds true). I felt so bad for her though because she said her daughter cries and screams for at least two hours every evening, from around 6 or 7 PM until sometimes 10 PM. I'll take Carsen a little fussy and restless and wide awake over him full out crying. That sounds unbearable!
Nursing is a lot easier too. Can't say something I love to do though. I still worry about my milk supply because sometimes, especially in the evening, he still seems so grumpy after I feed him. I worry that's because he's not getting enough to eat any still hungry, as opposed to it's just his fussy period. I'm feeling better about supplementing him with breastmilk and/or formula. Try not to feel guilty about that, as if I don't have enough milk, or that makes me a bad mom. It's not a rational thing, I know.
He smiles a little each day but still not a lot. And he coos too. His neck is getting very strong and he can hold his head up pretty well most of the time. He can also put some weight on his legs when I hold him up. He's using his hands a lot more. Sometimes he pulls his pacifier out of his mouth with his hands and then sticks it back in. He also started sorta kneading (like a kitten or puppy) when he nurses. And he looks around a little bit more for us in a room. I'm excited for the giggling to start! He loves his baths and just silently looks around and kicks, as if in awe. It is amazing how much love we can feel for someone so little and young and helpless. The emotional roller coaster of parenthood is pretty incredible. And he's just so darn cute!
