There's nothing like becoming a parent to make you truly appreciate your own parents (or, in some cases maybe, to think more critically about how you were raised). I watched a video recently about new parents commenting on what they didn't expect about becoming a parent- one man said that when reflecting on how much he loved his child, he suddenly realized how much his parents loved him. Agreed. I've always felt loved but knowing how much I love Carsen, I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have been loved as much by my parents. A million thank you's would never be enough.
My mom is the kindest, most open-hearted and generous women. She tries her best to be supportive even when she doesn't agree with her children's choices. She taught me how to be silly dancing in the kitchen to "I Love A Rainy Night" on replay; how to be courageous, even if her suggested dialogue was utterly ridiculous for a preteen ("just ring her doorbell and say 'HI! I'm Gretchen. Want to play?' "); how to leave places (and people) better than how I found them; and how to be a loving, warm and supportive mother by example. I'm sorry I ever stopped holding your hand. I'm glad I've never stopped saying "I Love You!" You are a joy and light in my life and my greatest role model. I'm so grateful to be your daughter. And I'm so thankful that Carsen will get to know you.
I read a blogpost titled
15 Things New Moms Should Know and a few really struck me:
1. You are not the same person anymore. You will
never watch the news the same way again. Don’t watch movies where
children get kidnapped (trust me on this) if you like to enjoy the
limited amounts of sleep you are getting. You will not drive the same.
In a way that is phenomenally different from any other relationship, you
will never be just you again. You are mom now.
... 7. There is no getting your body back. Why would you
want to? You have something new. Becoming a parent affects you. You aren’t the same. You are a new beautiful. And the biggest thing
that will never go back to how it was before is your heart.
So true! It may not exactly have been deep love at first sight but it certainly is now. Matt and I are both so much in love with our son. For me, it's as intense and all-consuming as any time I've fallen in love, though obviously in a different way. I think of Carsen all the time. Sometimes I both want space but want to be with him at the same time. It's like getting a new puppy who you are in love with, multiplied by 1000. It's intense... more so than I think I expected. But ohhh his crying... he's lucky he's so cute ;) We are fortunate though; he usually only cries to eat, sleep or be held.
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| This is why I shouldn't eat and nurse at the same time. |
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| First night in a hotel |
Also this month, we took our first family road trip to Salem for a basketball tournament that Matt's played in for several years. Last year he got his office to sponsor jerseys. This year he had a heck of a time getting enough players in time. We ended up having to front the team's entry fee, then it ended up that almost half the players no-showed so we (Matt & I) were out about $200. Plus he had to scramble to find players for almost every game, pulling them out of the stands and from other teams. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) they took last place so they were out early on the second day. We also had an awfully slow time getting home because our GPS took us the long route, then there was an accident, then Carsen wanted to nurse. Ultimately though, he did really well.
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| my fav new shirt |
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| Meeting Grandpa Max & Mardee |
Also this month we got a visit from Matt's dad Max and his fiance Mardee. We had a nice visit and they were brave enough to help my mom with a few home improvement projects at her house. But... I must say... I did find my son in a pretty crazy sleeping area when he was being watched by them. Hahahaha. I love the tiny hammer near his head.
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| two of the grandmas watch baby and put him in a very unsafe looking place to sleep |
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| Happy Mother's Day |
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| so boss in his tie |
Look at this smiling boy:
